Soulparking

Tuesday, 7 March 2006

About an hour ago, as I was perusing the news on the internet I read about the death of Christopher Reeve’s wife of lung cancer.  She had never smoked before in her life.  She died at the age of 44.  Both the “real” Lois Lane and Superman are now reunited.  Both of them are the poster persons for living through their circumstances.

I am very driven that my time on earth is short.  So why wait around letting it happen?  You are going to die!  I mean – don’t people realize that they will not be around for much longer?  Why sit around and watch television about life outside your living room?  Why not make life happen INSIDE your living room?  So I run, jump, scamper, leap, rush, dart towards everyday.  This is my day before the end.  I have this and this to get done.

Besides I am too busy to die.

Right now, my life is cluttered with unfinished pieces.  The biggest that is weighing me down is soulparking.com is dead.  My life and soul – dead – where my writing and creativity has lived day in and day out since March 2001 (actually the building stared earlier).  But it will rise again!

I am back in school again a decade to the day that I started university back in 1996.  This time I am following my heart – going to film school.  I am taking Camerawork and Lighting, Scriptwriting, and Digital Editing.  Man, I was a nervous wreck on my first day.   But as usual, once school starts, you fall into your routine – and it becomes one of those “unfinished” things.  Fantastic school!  My growth begins anew.

I have three scripts I am writing on constantly for www.soulparking.com/films with two currently in production.

Another “unfinished” is my ejournal which talked about my recovery from my appendix surgery.  How my stomach was punched full of metal staples on the outside and stitches on the inside.    The recovery process was the most painful experience of my life – surpassing breaking both my arms and my two fusion neck surgeries.  It was the details that made me think I was dying – coughing, sneezing, and peeing…  My staples were keeping my skin together – but whenever I had to cough (which was frequently) I had to hold my stomach and abdomen together with my hands and fingers to cushion the impact.  If not, it would pop me open – or it felt like it.  Standing up or getting up from a sitting position was the most painful – because I almost exclusively used my abdominal muscles.  The antibiotics that I was taking – were very, very strong and they would make my piss smell something horrible.  This primal musk scent would hit me and make me gag.   When I would sit on the toilet, I held my stomach together so my stomach would not spill out if I pushed too hard. 

So I say all of that to say this:  today while at a customer site – I was wasting time and running my hands over my shirt and I felt something.   I felt a large growth at the start of my scar tissue which was pulpy and soft.  It had suddenly appeared overnight.  It had not been there the night before.   So I kneaded at it nervously all day today.  I stop typing to touch it now.  I want to go to my surgeon to see what it is – but my customer comes first tomorrow and then me.

I chatted with a beautiful friend in Joburg before I left to come to school tonight.  She was talking about how horrible her life was.  She had recently made a couple of silly mistakes.  And she was threatening that the only option she had was death.  I went into my you are a fantastic person mode.  But Jasmin saw what I was typing and stopped me.

“What are you doing?  Don’t try and stop her.  Why is her life so bad?  Everyday I see people who are in living hell and they keep a smile on their face.  So tell her good luck with the killing herself, but our consciences are clean.”  And she turned back to the mirror to get ready for her Nokia commercial shoot.

A bit harsh but knowing Jasmin’s life (which one day all of you will too when you read her autobiography because its part of Oprah’s book club) – there is no one more qualified to know about complete and utter hell and the ability to completely overcome – than her.   No book fiction or non-fiction I have ever read or heard about, movie I have ever seen or heard about – describes the atrocities she has lived through – and she LOVES life with no side effects. 

So I told our beautiful friend, “We love you.”  She ended it with “Will talk later.”  So think she is more optimistic than she lets on.

So this simple growth on my body is a silly reminder of my stubbornness to live life to the fullest:  This is my day before the end.  I have this and this to get done.

I made money my bitch.  And now I am coming after you, growth.